Serial cheats are not always easy to spot. They are sincere, seductive and charming. A woman I know plays someone she instantly liked. After two dates, she was electrified. The chemistry was so intense that he couldn’t see the cheating signs written on his forehead. Blinded by her charisma, she didn’t recognize that she was just one girl in a long succession of girls. When she found out that he was cheating on her with other women she thought he was also in love with, she lamented: “All men cheat. I’ve never met one who didn’t.”
If you attract cheaters, it will be helpful to observe the behavior patterns that both of you have BEFORE you get involved. It cannot operate alone. You are his accomplice. This statement is not intended to blame, but to help you understand that you do not have to remain a goal. You have control over your life. How does it seduce you?
1. Dress for Success: Attracting the Wrong Guy.
Cheats like to date certain types of women. If you’re hanging out with your friends and looking to attract a guy because of the way you dress and the way you act, sexy clothes and flirty conversations will give you what you say you don’t want: a cheater.
2. The cheater notices.
Serial cheaters have an instinct for who to follow. Send a drink to your table or come over to ask your name. It makes you feel special. Before you know it, you’ll be spending the night talking, dancing, probably drinking, and having an affair. They may show you money, tell you how successful you are, or offer to drive you home in your new car. He pays the bill, tells you how beautiful you are, wants to see you the next night, and calls you several times a day. He is relentlessly persistent. You feel validated; you feel in control.
3. A cheater speeds up the relationship.
The cheater looking to date you has a behavioral ritual that he repeats over and over again. If you immediately say, “I love you and I’ve never felt this way before,” believe me, have said this before. If he’s talking about getting you a ring, where you could buy a house and live, and how you’ve always wanted children, it’s too quick. He seeks to tie you down and exercise control over your life. If you are wealthy, you are willing to pay for this check by bringing you gifts and helping you with your daily living expenses. Once you get used to this financial relief, it will be difficult for you to fire him when you find out you are cheating. He knows this.
4. The cheater knows you are vulnerable.
Cheaters instinctively know that you may just come out of a crisis in your life. The death of someone close to you, going through a divorce, or being dumped by your boyfriend can make you feel shaky. You are even more susceptible to a cheater or an abusive man if you come from an abusive home or relationship. If you lack the family support you need, he will play on your vulnerability. His approach is to get you to open up emotionally and share your problems. It offers understanding, warmth, and a comforting feeling that he wants to take care of you. Of course, your shoulder to lean on comes at a price.
5. The cheater feels that you are trying to be an adult in a scary world.
Serial cheaters can tell when you pretend to the world that you have it all under control, but the fact is, you probably don’t have enough money, enough support equipment around you, and enough safety net underneath you to feel safe. . Instead of spending your time and effort studying for a degree and a better job, you may be working a job that doesn’t pay enough and is going nowhere. When the serial charmer shows up, you’ll want to BELIEVE in him. You don’t want to see the lies and the patterns. You invest the time you have left at the end of the day trying to make a relationship work that is never going to go anywhere.
6. The cheater goes out with other people and when you find out, you are outraged.
Thinking that you are exclusively dating the cheater, sooner or later you discover that he has lied and cheated on you. You could watch him with someone else, read his email that you weren’t supposed to see, listen to his phone messages, or get a call from his other girlfriend. You cry, he asks for your forgiveness and he offers you promises that he cannot keep. He showers you with gifts and you start the process all over again. This cycle continues for months … or years … after, you’ve had enough.
Dating a cheater can change your life, but you don’t have to stop there. If you recognize this pattern in your relationship, hope is out there. Old patterns can be broken and you can have happiness instead of drama. Learn to identify the serial cheater before he crosses the room.
