Is it wrong to pat a child on the hand if he tries to touch the stove?

In short, I belong to the camp that does not admit to hitting children, or anyone else, period. Now I know that some of you may want to take the position that patting a toddler or preschooler on the hand if he tries to touch the stove should not be classified as “hitting.” To this, I say that everything is sticking. I don’t care if it’s a touch, a pat, or a light slap. No matter how you cut it, it still hits a person and hitting, from the speed of the swing, is not right in my book. And even if you could be convinced that patting a child’s hand is okay, who’s to say that granting permission to hit a toddler’s or preschooler’s hand might not lead to other punitive treatment in other ways? The fact is that it does in some families.

In most cases, a parent who hits a child’s hand doesn’t really know what else to do at the time. I have spent years working with parents to help them find more effective disciplinary solutions to replace the strike. Once you have a better understanding of your children’s behavior and practice alternative methods, there will no longer be a need to hit. Then there are those parents who strongly believe that hitting a child’s hand to prevent it from touching the stove is justified and these parents are not interested in finding alternative hitting methods. For these parents, I say that hitting a child to change a behavior is an act that comes from a position of fear and not of love. Let me explain.

I subscribe to the theory that every action taken or every word spoken by a human being comes from a place where love is felt or from a place where fear is felt. I believe that when an adult hits the body of a child, no matter in what area or at what speed of the swing (be it very light or strong), that adult is doing it as a result of feeling fearful in one or more ways. . Some examples might be: “I am afraid that my son will burn”, “I am afraid that my son will not listen to me, so I have to make it memorable”, “I am afraid that my son will not respect my authority”, “I have than to force my son to stop now because I remember the fear of burning myself “,” I remember the fear that my father instilled in me when I did not listen to him and I have to recreate that for my child “and many others. But when a parent is taught to manage their emotions and instead comes from a position of love before acting or speaking, they are not likely to hit the child, punish him or yell at him. A parent who takes actions and uses words that come from a position of love is more likely to respond with calm understanding and reasoning when looking at the situation from the child’s perspective. If, after explaining to the child, he continues to move towards the stove, then it is likely that this parent places a physical barrier between the child and the heater because the child’s motivation at this time to touch the stove is stronger than his ability to understand the stove. parent’s reasoning for explanation. It could also be that the child is not at the appropriate developmental level to understand the parents’ explanation. Once the barrier is in place to keep the child safe, it is very likely that a parent coming from the position of love will step back and wonder, “What need is my child revealing to me right now that keeps her moving toward the stove?” That parent is likely to take the time to identify the fundamental human need; play, discover, learn, explore or others. Taking the actions I described here from a position of love takes time and patience, and it also requires that parents have an adequate level of emotional intelligence to see the situation from the child’s perspective. Taking action to hit the child from a position of fear is much faster, takes less time, and requires a very low level of emotional intelligence on the part of the parents.

Now here’s the long-term outcome between the two. While both parents can keep the child from touching the stove, the parent using methods that comes from a position of fear is very likely to instill fear in the child. When fear is fostered within the human soul, I believe that more fear is generated, and quite possibly that child will also take actions and use words as they mature that are based on fear. Fear generates emotions such as guilt, aggression, resentment, jealousy, hatred, and other unproductive emotions. But if the child’s primary caregiver uses a parenting style that involves taking actions and using words that come from a position of love, it is very likely that love will be strengthened within the child and she too will see the world from that perspective. . I think this child is much more likely (than the child raised on fear-based principles) to live a richer and fuller life. This child is more likely to build a stronger and loving relationship and make smarter decisions in his life because instead of being filled with the negative emotions that fear creates, he will be filled with more emotions like trust, kindness, joy , happiness, encouragement and compassion. And the final difference in this child? She (the child raised with fear-based tactics) is more likely to find her true purpose in life and leave a life-changing legacy for others!

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