A colleague of mine recently asked me to write an article in response to her question and since I like to think about all things relationship related, here are some ideas that can help you discover the effect of your reading in bed.
I have structured this article into questions, some of which will apply to you and some of which will not. Just check them out and see what’s in it for you!
1. What do I want by reading in bed?
Some people read in bed to relax, to disconnect from the day’s activity, to sleep, because they don’t have another time of the day to read or because that is their favorite place to read. If there is any other reason for you, please let me know in a comment. I’m interested.
How does your intention interfere, at all, with your sex life? Is it a sacred moment for you that you don’t want to be interrupted? Does your partner read next to you and share with each other about what you read? Are you happy to put your book aside if your partner snuggles with you? Do you really have clarity in your relationship about the signals you feel from each other about whether or not you feel like having sex?
2. What is the message I send when reading in bed?
As a result of your reason for reading in bed (question 1), you may have communicated verbally or nonverbally to your partner what reading in bed means to you.
Does it mean to your partner that when you are reading a book it means ‘don’t bother me now’ or ‘I’m just waiting to fall asleep’? What agreements do you have with each other about the times and places to encourage lovemaking? Does this interfere with reading a book? Is reading a book an avoidance strategy for you?
3. Am I reading a book in bed if I’m in the mood for intimacy, romance, and sex?
In couples it is normal to have a ‘low desire’ partner and a ‘high desire’ partner. This simply means that, by comparison, one of you has a higher sex drive than the other. Often, it is this most sexually driven partner who instigates most of the intimate connections in their sex life.
Are you also reading, when you are already in the mood for intimacy, romance and sex? What signals do you send when you want your partner to be intimate with you? Do you usually wait to be prompted or is it usually you?
These are just a few questions that will help you see the effect reading in bed has on your sex life and that of your partner. There is so much more to reading the book, what goes on underneath, that influences your sex life.
If you have any thoughts on this, I’d love to hear your feedback!
