What are we striving for when we say we are raising children? When children can accept full responsibility for the consequences of their choices, they are “mature.” It takes a long time, at least 21 years, for a child to become an independent person. Unfortunately, there are countless people who, no matter how old they are, haven’t really “grown up.” We know this by the degree to which they take responsibility for their lives.
Responsibility means the ability to respond appropriately given the needs of a situation. Every day, parents encourage or discourage the development of qualities that will make their children responsible adults. Your children will be able to respond appropriately when they have developed these three essential character qualities: rational thinking, the ability to love, and enough confidence to act on their beliefs. These three qualities are included in our R=TLC formula. Built into this formula is also a way of understanding the best method of reaching the goal, which is Tender Loving Care, or TLC.
Thought:
In our R=TLC formula, the “T” stands for think. This is the ability to use the mind to logically process information, analyze situations, and draw conclusions. A person with strong thinking skills can distinguish between fact and fiction and demonstrates common sense. Good thinking implies the ability to make wise or sensible judgments. The more people strengthen their ability to reason and solve problems, the better they will function. Intelligence is not only acquired from our parents; it develops and is given the opportunity to manifest itself primarily by what a person has learned and experienced. Attentive parents routinely teach children how to think by engaging them in problem-solving activities.
loving:
“L” in the formula R=TLC means to love. Loving describes a way of being with oneself and with others. It means fully accepting someone for who they are as a person; however, it does not mean accepting that person’s behavior without conditions. Loving means treating others with respect and compassion, and valuing and promoting what is best for them.
The crucial first stage in helping children become loving people is to encourage them to love themselves. It is only from a foundation of self-love that children mature to a place where they are capable of compassion for others. In the past, self-love was considered a negative trait. Now, we understand that a healthy self-interest is absolutely necessary to develop feelings of love towards others. When parents make children feel important, teach them to express their feelings, encourage them to feel happy about their achievements, and reassure them when they make mistakes, they are helping their children to love themselves. Being self-centered is a natural and crucial stage of human development.
Children must first know that they are important and learn to care about themselves before they can accept that anyone else is important too. This can only happen when they are treated with respect.
The most successful parents show their children that they love themselves too. They are not willing to allow their children to mistreat them. By respecting and taking care of their own needs, parents show their children that taking care of themselves is important. In the give and take within a family, each member learns to share attention, time, and resources with one another.
From self-love, children gradually expand their consciousness outward, learning to please others, to be fair and to respect the law. If you guide your children through this natural progression, they will become ethical and moral individuals.
Trust:
“C” represents confidence in the formula R=TLC. Confidence means the courage to take action, stand up for yourself, and make independent decisions. It means being self-sufficient and trusting your own judgment. Just being a good thinker and a loving person does not make someone a responsible individual. People need the courage of their convictions to speak up and act on what they believe to be right. It is not who is right, but what is right that matters. Acting on what is right requires trust. By showing approval when your children act constructively, you can create an atmosphere in which your children can build trust.
Our R=TLC formula is a universal formula for reaching the highest goal of a human being, living a self-fulfilling life. What this means is developing one’s gifts to their fullest potential and making a positive contribution to society. The ability to live a self-fulfilling life begins in the family.
The goal: R = TLC Responsibility = Think Love Trust
The Method: TLC = Tender Loving Care
