Michael, one of my clients, asked me for help in one of our phone sessions:
“I have to give a presentation to my boss and other members of our staff on Friday. It will also be on video in our offices around the world. I have always had great anxiety when I have to speak in front of others. I get so nervous that My hands are starting to sweat and my voice is shaking. I really hate having to do these presentations, but it’s part of my job and I have to do it. Can you help me not to be so nervous?
“Michael, where do you feel your anxiety?”
“In my tummy. My tummy gets so tight it hurts.”
“Michael, imagine yourself giving this presentation. Take a deep breath and breathe into the place in your gut where you have the anxiety. Be fully present with the nervousness, bringing kindness to the feeling. Can you do this?”
“Yes.”
“Good. Can you find a place in your heart that wants the responsibility of causing this anxiety?”
“Yes, I want the responsibility.”
“Now focus on your heart, breathe into your heart and consciously choose the intention to learn about what you are telling yourself that is causing the anxiety. Invite the presence of your higher self, the presence of love, kindness and compassion.your heart, which is what your loving adult self creates…now ask your little child: ‘What am I saying to you and how am I treating you that makes you feel so nervous?’
Michael asks this question.
“Now breathe inside and let your inner child talk to you, telling you what you are saying to him and how you are treating him that is making him so nervous.”
Michael’s inner child replies, “You tell me I better not forget anything and I better not make any mistakes. You tell me I’m not okay unless they like my presentation.”
“So you’re putting a lot of pressure on your inner child and you’re telling it that its worth depends on others approving of you. If you had a real little boy and you told him, if he was going to a friend’s party, what does he have to say?” and do everything right and if someone doesn’t like it it’s not good enough, do you think they would get nervous?”
“Yes! I haven’t seen it this way. I’m making him nervous by not making mistakes and making his worth dependent on the approval of others.”
“Good. Now, open yourself to learning with your higher self and ask yourself, ‘What is the truth and what would it be like to love yourself?’
Michael does this. “The truth is that I’m fine even if I’m wrong or forget something and even if someone doesn’t like it. And because I’ve been practicing my inner working process and learning to love myself, I really think I’m fine, but I didn’t realize I was putting pressure on myself.”
“So what can you say to your little one that would make them feel more relaxed about the presentation?”
“I’m already doing it. I just told him that I’ll love him no matter how he does it, and as soon as I said this, my insides relaxed. Wow! It might even get to the point where I can enjoy it.” Make presentations! I know that what I have to offer is very valuable to our company and when I am relieved of the responsibility to act, I would like to offer it.”
This is exactly what happened. As Michael learned to love himself and define his own worth, he stopped being nervous about giving presentations. Now, he really enjoys them!
Loving yourself when you speak in public, or in life in general, means not linking your value to how others feel about you and learning to define your own intrinsic value. It means making it okay to make mistakes, forget things, and even fail. When you learn to love yourself and define your intrinsic worth, then your performance is an expression of your worth rather than a definition of your worth, and even failure becomes another learning experience.
