> 1. Who are the main candidates to rekindle a romance?
The most successful revived romances were lost lovers who had been 17 or older.
younger at the time of initial romance – first loves – and had parted ways
situational reasons, such as “disapproved parents”, “moved out”. “he went to college”,
etc. The age of the couples didn’t matter: if they were 18 or 95, the romance worked
the second time. In fact, the older they were for the reunion, the better their
opportunities for success.
> 2. Is Lost & Found Love successful the second time around?
Yes! In my sample of 2,000 people around the world, ages 18 to 95, 72% reported
they are “still together” with their lost and found lover. And these were not only
“good” romances; they were meetings of wildly sexual soul mates. The absence really does
Make love grow!
> 3. What if couples had been “first loves”?
First loves had the highest rate of “staying together”: 78% are happily reunited and
remain happily in love during their many years of marriage.
> 4. Are rekindled romances more intense than other loves?
Yes. I asked the participants to rate the emotional involvement of the revived.
romance, compared to all their other loves in the past, and 71% of them said that
this was his most intense romance of all. In addition, 61% of the participants said
that the rekindled romance started faster than any other romance in the past, and
that sexual participation was the BEST (63%).
> 5. Why does rekindled love endure?
The couples grew up together, spent their formative years together, and many
of the first loves reported that lost love became “the standard” for all his other
romances. They knew each other well, they attended classes together, they knew each other
family and friends of others, roots and shared values. It is these similarities that
form the strength of the bond. These romances are, at heart, friendships like
as well as romances.
> 6. Isn’t there any research to suggest that this love might have a biological effect?
component?
Yes. Remember the expression used for teenagers, “hormone range”? When
teens fall in love for the first time, hormones like oxytocin and vassopressin are
released when the bride and groom are sexually aroused. These chemicals form
emotional memories in the brain, stored in an area called the amygdala. When the
lost lovers are reunited, those memories are released by familiar sight, smell,
touch, sound of long lost lover. The feelings are comforting and familiar and
also very exciting sexually!
> 7. Why should this book be a “must read” for parents of teenagers?
The most common reason these romances ended the first time was “the parents
disapproved. “Not only disapproved, many of these couples were forcibly
separated by parents, with threats to their children, or manipulations such as
hiding letters from the girlfriend. When these couples got together, they were very
bitter and angry with their parents (living or dead) for having cost them many years when
they could have been happily together. Many lost their fertile years
due to this break. And why did the parents react that way? They just “didn’t
as the person “her son was dating.”
I checked to see how these couples were doing a second time; that is, if the parents broke up
Separated, were the parents “right” and broke up a second time? Half of
time, they broke up again, and half the time they were happy together. AND
there is no way to predict, there is no way for parents to know what is right for their children.
It should make parents think twice before breaking up their first loves.
> 8. What can teens learn from this book?
I heard from many teenagers, men and women, who are heartbroken because
their first loves simply “abandoned” them. Some say they are suicidal. From my research,
We learn that these are true loves, important loves, not to be belittled. AND
Teens should be comforted by the fact that the breakup may not be forever. First
love might come back one day You don’t sit around expecting that, but keep it on
the bottom of your heart as hope for the future.
> 9. Instead of reconnecting with a lost love, how about finding a long-lost friend?
It really is the same. In fact, a lot of my partners weren’t really in romances.
first time. They were just friends, sometimes very young friends, like 8 or 9 years old
old. The shared roots are the important part; old friends make us comfortable
And we can talk about the old days It is very healing to meet.
> 10. Is there anyone who should avoid looking for a lost love?
Yes. If one or both members of the couple are married to another person. do not go
there! Don’t even look at the person to say hello. Even good marriages were established
danger from lost loves. People just didn’t realize that feelings return
Very strong.
And if the person was abusive in any way the first time, skip a meeting.
Personalities don’t change. The couples in my study who triumphed with a happy
the meeting had situationally disintegrated the first time; They did NOT check the
box “we didn’t get along”.
> 11. What is your first tip for anyone considering finding a
love?
They are very intense romances. Before beginning any dialogue with a lost love, ask
yourself if you could handle what happened: a rejection, a romance, another
break up with that person. If the answer to any of these questions is “no”, it is best not to try.
But if you’re single, divorced, or widowed, it might be the best thing you’ve ever seen.
I pass you.
copyright © 2005 by Nancy Kalish, Ph.D.
All rights reserved
You have permission to publish this article electronically or in print, free of charge,
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