Are you considering an adventure? Is your attention focused on someone outside of your relationship? Before you make a move, consider this: think before you cheat! Thinking about cheating on your partner is the first step in avoiding opening up your relationship to emotional conflict, confusion, despair, and potential loss.
Let’s take a look at why you cheat. What is going on in the relationship? Your level of satisfaction with yourself, with your partner and with the relationship plays an important role in the answer to this question. Where are you on the satisfaction scale? Do you and your partner still share a dream for the future? Are you sexually compatible? Do you still worry and show deep concern that comes from your heart? It’s important to consider the level of satisfaction you’re getting from the relationship to give you an overall, and often better, perspective on how you’re feeling, what your next step might be, and where you’re going.
Also, consider how you feel about yourself. Is your self-esteem high? What would you need to help reinforce and restore the good feelings you used to have about yourself? Look in the mirror. Is your reflection that of an honest and open person or are you ready to hide one of the biggest lies of your life? Look into your eyes and search your soul for who you are. Finding your “I” helps ground you and will keep you focused. Think about where you fit into the relationship equation and consider what you want for yourself and then how to get it. Would opening the relationship and cheating on your spouse or partner change your life in a more significant or more destructive way? Ask yourself, what are the risks and benefits of opening this relationship to a third party? Then look at your partner and ask your main relationship the same questions.
The ability to make decisions is sometimes set aside when chemistry is high and physical attraction is strong. What can you win? Will this be a two-sided win-win proposition or a three-sided lose-lose-lose proposition? A quick fix to a sexual urge is often the start of the affair. It feels good; it is exciting, new, exciting and different. Well, there is something to be said about it. But let’s see the reverse. Now you have a secret, a dirty little secret. Secrets are exciting on their own, but they separate us from each other and from ourselves. The adventure becomes a private place to retreat both in reality and in your mind. What are the disadvantages of cheating? Number one is GUILT. Guilt is a side effect of having an affair. Guilt takes a lot of energy and is a huge distraction from your core relationship. Creating emotional conflict is another side effect of an affair. Torn between two lovers is a painful place to be. On the one hand you have a long-term commitment to your partner at stake and on the other you have a new relationship that will surely divert your attention.
Take a closer look at your motives for wanting to cheat on your partner. If you don’t take a good hard look, you’re bound to live in a web of lies. What do you have to lose? For some it may be a boring and inconsequential relationship that has been sapping them emotionally, but for many it may be years of hard work and commitment and possibly even losing the love of their life. Consider using your brain (the one on your shoulders) and avoid much of the pain that you and your partner will inevitably go through. Unless your relationship is super evolved to include someone else, think before you cheat!
