Let’s take a closer look at a struggle that shows up in our lives over and over again: losing weight. Think of the many industries that care about weight loss, such as diets, weight loss supplements, exercise programs, gyms, etc. Those industries are successful and continue to expand because they promise people that they will lose weight when we buy and use their products. People sometimes lose all five, ten or fifty pounds only to gain it back, and often to lose it over and over again. So what is really going on here?
To give you an example, a client comes to psychotherapy asking for help with losing weight or managing the “yo-yo syndrome” of losing and gaining. Very often the client is well versed in nutrition, the latest diet headlines, and is concerned about following some prescribed way of adhering to a program that they have been having trouble with. The deep fears/issues around the real reasons why weight management is so difficult have not been addressed and what is being presented is really a smokescreen for deeper issues, conscious or unconscious, that are running the show .
What I have seen in my practice is that people expend an enormous amount of energy on self-control, willpower, and the persistence of self-sacrifice. It may help superficially, however it is only a short term solution. While our culture seems to value willpower or a “white knuckle” approach, it doesn’t help break an ingrained habit, it’s not effective. It’s also not a quick fix, although our culture seems to expect it.
What is clear is that we overestimate the powers of the conscious mind and underestimate the power of the unconscious mind. None of us takes pleasure in knowing that our will is not enough to solve problems and that there are always unconscious factors at play.
We eat for a variety of reasons that have nothing to do with hunger. What is then behind our emotional eating? Simply put, emotional eating serves a multitude of purposes. Some examples are:
- Food distracts us from many painful emotions such as sadness, grief, loneliness, shame, helplessness, anger, anxiety, etc.
- Food raises our blood sugar levels, which causes many of our emotions, such as depression and anxiety, to be limited, at least temporarily.
- Certain foods raise endorphin levels similar to the response to a drug and elevate mood, such as chocolate or other comfort foods. People who are overly stressed often use food to dissipate their tension instead of using more effective stress-reducing techniques. Food works as a quick fix in the moment only to cumulatively stick to our hips, bellies and add to our stress load later on. Some foods are associated with “the good old days.”
- There are people who believe that if they carry more weight they will be safer in the world, stronger and healthier. Clients have told me that they associate weight loss with frailty and death.
- Some people fear the full expression of their sexuality and use weight to avoid facing their fears.
The above examples are few in comparison to the many ways in which the unconscious can interfere with conscious goals. To do?
Take some time, relax, go within and reflect. What is your story that keeps you stuck in weight problems? What is your concern about weight, diets and food for? How does it keep you safe? What prevents you from doing in your life? What consequences do you fear? There are always consequences when we change, some good, some not. Family members may want us to stay the way we are because if we change, they may feel anxious. They can even up the ante. Every time he put me on a diet, my ex-husband would show up with chocolates.
One of the first things I do when someone comes to me for weight problems is find out who the real culprit is. With your permission, after a full evaluation, clinical hypnosis may be in order. Hypnosis helps me access the clients’ unconscious to determine if there is an internal agreement to do the job. If there are other issues, they may need to be addressed first to prevent sabotage. Often, it’s just a matter of clarifying what obstacles stand in the way. Get a trade deal and get to work. Know yourself on a deep level. If you have trouble getting there, get professional help. You are worthy of success.
There will be slips, forgive yourself and start over. injuries.
