I have never had an addiction to drugs or alcohol…but there are other addictions that are just as debilitating and destructive…like the addiction to being broke.
“All forms of addiction are bad, regardless of whether the narcotic is alcohol, morphine, or idealism.” -Jung
Two weeks ago, I went on a road trip that took me to a place I’d rather not visit.
You see, I have a twenty-five year old daughter who is in jail.
Writing and pronouncing those words seems like a foreign language to me, even now, after seven years of watching his life deteriorate from heroin addiction.
I’m pretty sure I’m not the only parent going through this surreal experience. One of the most transformative changes that has happened to me is becoming transparent about the whole thing. I no longer care about the stigma associated with addicts and their families. I care about reaching out to other moms and dads to be a shoulder, an encouragement, a friend, to listen when nothing makes sense in their chaotic world of their child’s addiction.
Clearly, the problem of addiction is not limited by demographics: it occurs in good, stable families as well as in troubled families; it happens to rich families as often as to poor ones; it happens in big cities and small towns; happens to honor students, athletes, and class presidents. it happened to us
She is now in long-term treatment, and as I talked to her, I realized that her recovery from heroin addiction parallels my recovery from addiction to bankruptcy.
Do not think? Stay with me on this and you will see the similarities between our recovery from addiction.
For the past seven years, she has blamed everyone outside of herself for her addiction: family, friends, school, work…it was always the focus of her reasoning why she couldn’t do better with her life, her choices.
For my entire adult life, I blamed everyone outside of myself for my addiction to bankruptcy. My perception was that no one else in my family seemed to have trouble paying the bills; everyone else was taking vacations and buying new cars; the government took too much from my paycheck; my employer did not give me a good raise; the credit card companies practically begged me to use their new card: my life of living paycheck to paycheck and blaming everything and everyone for the struggle was no different than my daughter’s list of excuses for her heroin addiction.
For the past seven years, I’ve been trying to fix it. I have spoken words of encouragement, hope, and assurance; I have bailed her out of jail; I have given him money and a place to live; I have visited her in treatment centers, city jails and prisons. Everything I did, every word I spoke and every letter I wrote was done in the hope that THIS time, she would “get it”, this time she would break free of her addiction. She was bombarded with messages not just from me, but from everyone who loved her.
In the same way, money-making business opportunities have been trying to fix me for years. I have been bombarded with messages of hope and encouragement that financial freedom is possible, within reach. Every message from the endless methods and systems is hoping that yours will be the one I choose and free me from the addiction to being broke.
Over the past seven years, he has been through so many treatment programs that I have lost count. She always rushed through the required work, sat through counseling and finished programs to allow for her release. She knew how to make the system work well, always doing just the right thing to get by, and all indications from the outside were that she had successfully completed the course and that she would recover from the addiction. When one didn’t work, she found herself doomed to try another.
It hasn’t been any different for me… I signed up and joined so many opportunities to make money from home that I lost count. And just like my daughter, I rushed through the steps, listened to some of the training, and began completing all the steps to lead myself to success. When one didn’t work, I’d find another to try: the brightest shiny object would get my commitment and my money just as my daughter would be drawn to one more “hit” to satisfy her heroin addiction.
But, we both continue to fail. We both remained powerless over our addiction.
We continued to fail until we realized that the answer to addiction recovery comes from within.
The answer to recovering from any addiction requires taking a hard look at who you are and who you want to become. It requires an understanding of the beliefs that have shaped your life. Demand a release from those beliefs that are pushing you back down a deep, dark hole, holding you back from moving forward in your addiction recovery.
She’s working to reunite with the girl she was before her heroin addiction took over. She is creating the woman that she wants to be. For the first time in seven years, I see strength and confidence emerge in my daughter, whose self-esteem began to plummet years ago. I see hope and faith giving life to her words. I see her acceptance of responsibility and choice, forgiveness and reconciliation, and a spirit of determination to succeed.
Me too? My recovery from bankruptcy addiction has led me to discover false beliefs about money that are stored in my subconscious, beliefs that were formed from everything I saw, heard and experienced as a child. Furthermore, the fear of failure also lurks in my subconscious… and requires me to work to purge those self-limiting beliefs that hold me back. I am creating the woman I want to be, financially free to live life on my own terms. My determination to succeed keeps me putting one foot in front of the other, doing whatever it takes to recover from this dead end addiction.
You see, it’s not a particular rehab program or the “right” chance the answer to our addiction recovery, it’s waking up and realizing that we had the answer all along, inside of us.
One of my favorite “pre-addiction” memories of my daughter is when she was just twelve years old and landed the title role as Dorothy in a Wizard of Oz ballet. I loved seeing her grace the stage with her dancing. As we’ve talked about her recovery, I remind her of what Dorothy discovered at the end of her search to return home…that she always had the power within her.
I don’t know if this article worries or inspires you.
I don’t know what you’re dealing with in your life right now.
Addiction of any kind destroys life. We all have the ability to change, to recover from the addiction that prevents us from being the best we can be.
If you’ve tried and failed so many times you’ve lost count, maybe it’s time to try one more time.
For the first time, we are seeing the results of bankruptcy addiction recovery. It is happening to us and it can happen to you.
